About Elizabeth Dadson

Beauty insider who loves to share all things beautiful and good for the soul.

5 Tips On Letting Go Of Friendships

If-you-make-friends-with-yourself-Friendship-QuotesThis year I turned forty one. When I look back on my life so far, I can acknowledge and accept that I have grown and changed significantly as a person over the years. I would hope others would say I have become more grounded, open-hearted and wiser, but I am also aware that I have become less tolerant of nurturing friendships that no longer serve me well.

I think in my twenties I was keen to be liked, I wanted to be popular, have lots of friends around me and be accepted.  In my thirties I began to get to know myself on a deeper level, I began to realise what was truly important to me, and felt more comfortable in being open and honest about who I really was to others. When I hit forty, I began to look back at my life and all of the friendships I have had, the ones which have nurtured my soul and  helped me grow in different ways.  Fondly remembering the friends that have truly accepted me for who I am as a human being and have loved me unconditionally, through the good times and the difficult ones. And then there are the friendships that have been challenging, the ones that have made me question decisions I have made for myself, who I was, and sometimes those kind of friendships have even been incredibly stressful.

What this life experience has taught me, is that I no longer feel the need to try to be someone I am not, in an attempt to conform to how someone else feels I should be, or how they want me to be. It’s taken me years to really understand who I am, and to have a  acceptance of all my positive and negative aspects of what makes me uniquely me.

Accept that friendships will come and go, and this isn’t a negative thing –  Friendships serve us, in what ever way they are meant to, for however long we are meant to be experiencing them. It is my belief that every person we come into contact with can actually teach us something. They may be teaching us something about ourselves, them, or even situation we maybe experiencing. When we are open to that lesson, and we acknowledge it, it makes it easier to understand why maybe sometimes the dynamics of a friendship change, or maybe why it didn’t last as long as we expected it to, or why it didn’t evolve how we envisaged. When you look at the relationship from this higher perspective, it shows us how every friendship, no matter how it worked out, can enable us to grow on some level.

Do not feel guilty about distancing yourself from something that no longer serves you well –  During my twenties and early thirties, I had a wonderful friend who I spent a lot of time with. She was funny, kind and fun to be around. As we both got older our paths led us in different directions, I was career minded and she longed to nurture a family. Over time, the dynamics of our friendship changed. I had my own business, and was working every hour God sent. The global recession had hit, and I was desperately trying to make ends meet. Like many other small businesses at that time, it was simply a matter of survival. I had the responsibility of staff, as well as bills at work, and bills at home to pay. At the same time she had her first child, and was spending her time enjoying being a first time mum at home, caring for and raising her family.

One day, myself and this friend met her for lunch, and suddenly out of the blue, she announced she no longer felt the same about meeting up with me or our friendship. Our life path indeed had been very different to the one we walked in our twenties, and yes, we had gone off and done completely different things, but to me, we were still the same people underneath all the drama of life.  At the time, I remember I was incredibly hurt but her comment, it came out of nowhere and looking back, it was at a time I really needed support and encouragement from my friends. Feeling totally confused and off guard, I immediately launched into a list of reasons why I was working so hard, almost as if I was trying to justify the personal life choices I had made. It was incredibly soul-destroying, and I left the restaurant close to tears.

Looking back, what this experience taught me, was my friend was judging me, for whatever reason, for the life choices I had made. My vision of what I wanted in life, was in fact very different to what she wanted, and for whatever reason, she therefore felt our friendship must be different too. The truth was, our friendship wasn’t different at’ll, but her expectations of what our friendship should be, in her mind, had in fact changed.

In any friendship, the moment you are unable to completely be yourself, in your own truest essence, unconditionally, in someone else’s company, than in truth that friendship may not serve you well.  You should never be made to feel unworthy, different, unkind, or even selfish, simply on the grounds of the fact you have made different life choices to your friends. Your most valuable friends should love you, nurture you, respect you and be happy for you, even if your day-to-day life is very different from theirs.

Accept that you may not always be in someone’s life either, even if you want to be – Friendships have to be a two-way agreement. And sometimes we change too.  Don’t take things personally, or over analyse the situation, if you find someone isn’t in contact with you as much as they once were. Remember, we are in an age where people’s lives are super busy. Family, work, hobbies and well life, can just take over. Our priorities may shift during certain stages in our lives, and often we find those who once inspired us, or motivated us, or simply made us feel good about ourselves, no longer serve that purpose.

Do not harbour prolonged feelings of anger, disappointment or sadness when friendships move on – Friendships come on many levels. We have friends who we may simply meet for lunch or down the pub for a chat, and then we have the friends that we have bared our souls to. The ones who know everything about us, all our victories and all our failures. So it’s not surprising that we sometimes feel the similar kind of emotions we may experience when we break up with a partner. Feelings of hurt, confusion, anger, bitterness, sadness, loneliness can often consume us, and this is fine. We need to truly experience whatever emotion comes up. Just remember not to get bogged down in these thoughts. Remind yourself it isn’t beneficial to cling to something that is no longer what it used to be, acknowledge that the relationship has moved on, for whatever reason, and it’s actually o.k that you and your friend, are no longer spending so much time together. Your expectations of one another may have changed, and ultimately, we all make choices based around our own desire to experience happiness. I always try to look at friendships from a higher perspective, and try to remain focused on all that was good, and everything productive that relationship taught me.

Always be grateful for the friendship, no matter how it worked out – Our life is made up from millions of experiences, day in, day out. The people we meet and bond with, help to create an important part of those experiences. Never regret a friendship that maybe didn’t evolve in a way you had hoped, even if it caused you pain or sadness. I believe, we can either look at our past friendships in a way that can hinder us or help us. Always remember, the pair of you did have a connection on some level, otherwise you wouldn’t have considered that person as your friend. Always try to remain grateful for the good experiences you shared, as this places your thoughts and personal energy in a more positive vibration, which will help aid the healing process and enable you both to move on.

     

12 Tips On Letting Go Of Love

Beautifully Zen

letting-go-quotes-13“Sometimes love means letting go, when you want to hold on tighter” – unknown

Learning to let go of someone we love can be one of the most difficult and challenging experiences we may face in life, especially if we believe that person is our soul mate.  It can send us into a spiral of different emotions, ones of pain, grief, frustration and unhappiness.  Sometimes it is even harder to accept that someone doesn’t love you as you love them, or that they have decided their life would be a happier place without you in it.  The most challenging thing we need to remember, is that we should never lose ourself, just because someone is prepared to you lose us. Life will never be simple, and learning to love even when the outcome may not be what we had hoped for, is simply another lesson for us to embrace, learn…

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Six Simple Habits of Happiness

happiness1-300x284All of us who walk this earth, share one deep-rooted desire, the desire to be truly happy. Cultivating certain habits and patterns within our day-to-day lives, can help us experience a happier and more fulfilling life.

Be Kind. Scientific studies have shown that when we focus our thoughts and actions on showing kindness to others, this actually promotes our own personal feelings of happiness. Expressing love, compassion and a genuine care for those outside of ourselves, influences the release of oxytocin, a hormone that is important in social bonding. Small acts of kindness are really easy to include into your day-to-day life. Why not pop a card in the post to a friend to simply make them smile, buy a colleague a coffee on route to work, or knock on an elderly neighbours door and offer to pop to the shops for them. Little acts of kindness really do go a long way, whilst helping to boost our happy hormones.

Build good relationships, and then nurture them. It is so easy to take friendships and relationships for granted, but when we remind ourselves to focus on who is important in our lives, and then make a conscious effort to make time and effort for those people, this builds solid foundations for long-lasting, fulfilling and happy connections.

Balance and Rest. Take time to honour your physical and emotional self.  We lead busy lives, keeping a job, running a household, looking after the family, these are just a few of the things that occupy our time and our energies.  Take time out to rest and recharge. When we are tired, stressed and choose to forget that our body and mind needs good quality sleep and rest to function properly, feelings of frustration and unhappiness can arise.

Be grateful. Gratitude is associated with optimism and it has been determined that grateful people are happier, receive more social support, are less stressed, and are less depressed. Recent research indicates that optimists and pessimists approach problems differently, and their ability to cope successfully with adversity differs as a result. Gratitude can be found in the smallest things, all it takes is for the mind to be trained to acknowledge the little things we are grateful for, even during times of frustration or discontent.

Forgive. Harbouring feelings of bitterness, resentment, jealousy or betrayal only inhibits our own happiness, and does not serve us well. Learning to let go and move on from such emotions can increase our sense of personal worth and happiness considerably. At some point in our lives we have all felt we have been wronged by another, but acknowledging that these are simply feelings we need to process, experience and then grow from, can help us put perspective on such situations and move on more quickly from.

Acknowledging you are in control of your own happiness.  This is one of the most profound lessons I learned from my own spiritual tutor. Learning to acknowledge that I was in fact the one and only, soul person in control of my own inner happiness, was one of the most empowering lessons of my life. When we learn to accept, that no matter what life throws at us, we have the option of choosing to be happy or choosing to be unhappy. We can choose to let the actions of others or challenges control our own personal happiness, or we can choose to view those situations and people as moments of great teachings and wisdom, and subsequently learn and grown from them. Of course, sometimes this can seem to be easier said then done. And remember, everyone is on a different and very personal journey. What may be easy for one person to do, can seem almost impossible for another. But if we at least try to remind ourselves in times of frustration or sadness, that we have a choice to be bitter for having a particular experience, or we can be grateful for the life lesson gained. Just simply knowing we have that choice, may in fact help us to choose to grow from that experience, and in time, who knows, it could even provide us with a life lesson that will enable to help someone else in the future.

 

7 Tips On Making The Life Changes You Desire

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“Change only takes place through action, not through meditation and prayer alone” – The Dalai Lama

A new year always brings hope of making small or even bigger changes in our lives, maybe changes we have been thinking about for some time, but haven’t had the energy or courage to really focus on during the months that have passed.  We may be longing for a new job, or a new relationship, maybe we truly wish to have more quality time with our partners or family. It could be we want to get fitter, lose weight, or just simply take a little more care of ourselves.

For many, change can be scary or unsettling, dipping ones toes into the unknown can throw us out of our comfort zone and even fill us with fear. For others change is seen as an exciting adventure, something to embrace and actually trust in. Many of us are in fact creatures of habit, and although we long for areas of change in our lives, we stick with something we may not necessarily be happy with, simply because it has become our routine, an existence that we have actually accepted as being part of our life, it’s just the way it is.

Write a positive change list – At the beginning of each year, I actually like to take a moment to reflect on the year just gone, as well as creating a moment of positive focus on the year ahead. During a period of ‘quiet time’, I’ll put on some beautiful music, light some candles and simply meditate. This helps me become grounded, calm and peaceful, a beautiful and perfect state to be in, when you wish to make positive change within your life. After which, I will sit down and write a list of all the life changes I wish to make during the next 12 months ahead. Writing them down, for me, re-enforces not only my desire to make those things happen, but also helps me truly focus on the things that really matter.

Take positive action, small steps at a time – Two years ago I saw the Dalai Lama speak in London, it was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life. During his talk he spoke of how change can only come through positive action. Manifesting the changes we wish to see within ourselves, our lives or the world in which we live, can only come through each and everyone of us taking sole responsibility for those changes to occur. We cannot rely on areas of our lives to alter, if we simply think our desire, or our deep longing for something to happen, will in fact, make it happen. If you truly wish for change to occur in some area of your life, then you alone, need to find the courage to start acting upon that wish and take full responsibility for that change.

Face your fears and let go – Sometimes, inviting change into our life, actually means facing our fears. We may be too scared to leave a job we really hate, because we are fearful of not being able to find another one or pay our bills. We may be frightened to leave a unhealthy relationship behind us, as we are deeply fearful of being alone. So instead we choose to live in a bubble of happiness, because it’s easier to give in to our fears, fears that we have in fact created for ourselves inside our own little heads.  What we have to acknowledge is, that in certain situations, the life we are actually hoping for, actually exists outside the edge of our comfort zone, and unless we have the courage to leap into the unknown, we become a victim of our own fears and subsequent unhappiness.

Imagine the happiness you wish to experience and feel it deep within your soul –  I strongly believe that our own thoughts and actions have a huge affect on life that we experience.  The sacred law of karmic return, or the law of cause and effect.  If one is mindful of every thought and action one has, as well as keeping a positive mindset surrounding the type of life one wishes to experience, then one is actually inviting this type of experience into their own reality. This doesn’t mean to say, you won’t experience challenges, disappointment or sadness in your life, these things are always present to teach us, but keeping your mind focused on love, positivity and kindness, actually re-enforces the love, positivity and kindness that you will in turn experience within your own world. Positive thought creates positive action.

Share the changes you wish to create – Sitting down with friends or family and sharing details of the changes we wish to create  in our lives can actually help us keep focused on the task ahead. It can also provide an unexpected support network of people, all of whom wish to encourage you to reach your goals. A few years ago I was really unhappy in my job, and I was desperate for a change. I was so unhappy, that every morning was literally filled with dread about the day ahead.  It was a well paid and very secure job, one that I had been in for 13 years, and the thought of leaving actually filled me with fear and anxiety, but I was knew it was beginning to impact other areas of my life. Once I had told my friends how unhappy I was, I was overwhelmed by the support and encouragement I received. It felt as though I was no longer facing the dilemma alone, and I eventually found the courage to leave and search for a much happier existence.

Don’t Give Up – Change generally doesn’t happen over night, often it’s something that we have to continue to strive for. Even when the light may seem a very distant glimmer at the end of a long tunnel, don’t lose focus of that feeling of happiness you know you deserve. Re-visit the list of positive change you wrote. Go into meditation and ask yourself for guidance of how to can implement these changes. Spend some quality time with a positive person that you may know, someone who will inspire you to reconnect with your own desire to make the change at hand.  Trust in yourself that you can succeed and remind yourself that it will happen when you have learned everything you need to from the experience.

Don’t hide behind excuses you create within your own mind, take complete responsibility – When we are anxious of making a change in our life, it’s very easy to hide behind excuses of why we believe we cannot change that situation. Instead of creating excuses of why you can’t do something, start to focus your attention of creating solutions to those challenges.  An excuse, is often manifested in our heads as a direct result of an emotion, an emotion which is usually fear.

Trust in the fact that sometimes the journey is the lesson, not the change itself – Looking back at my own career change, it was, without a doubt, a very long, difficult and exceptionally challenging path (I wrote a post about it last year, as it had such an impact in my life). But on reflection, even though it was really hard at times, I can see that journey itself actually taught me a great deal about myself and my ability to let go and trust. The life lessons I learned from having the courage to truly acknowledge, that I was the only person in charge of my own happiness is a teaching I will always be grateful for.

5 ways to remain truly present

be now“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” – Author Unknown 

To remain present is to remain at one with yourself, with your thoughts and your surroundings at an exact given time. Not to think about the past, or the future, but to just simply remain focused on what is here at this given moment.

Very recently I was sent a challenge, a challenge which truly tested my ability to remain wholeheartedly in the present moment.  Not to fret about my past, or worry about my future, but just to simply be, as I was in the here and now.

During a quick morning shower, just before I headed off to work, my attention was suddenly grasped by a small, but very tender lump situated in my left breast.  Initially my mind played games with me, as the mind so often does. It couldn’t be so, I was obviously mistaken.  But on closer inspection, there was no getting away from it, a small pea sized lump that was as hard as a marble, was most definitely there, accommodating a small space of my anatomy.

The next three weeks can only be described as a constant inner battle to keep my mind from straying, and going on to create all kinds of scenarios and outcomes in my own little head. My mother had battled breast cancer, and although I hadn’t been diagnosed with the condition, during the 3 weeks between the initial appointment with my doctor, to undergoing tests at the hospital and then awaiting the results, it was very difficult not to wonder ‘what if’.

I am pleased to say, everything was fine, just a small but very stubborn collection of cysts that were soon treated by an amazingly compassionate team of medical staff. The whole experience was a little stressful I admit, but it also taught me much about how certain situations can actually teach us the benefits of being mindful of what is, rather than, what may be.

When your mind starts to wander, focus on your breath – Bringing your focus back to your breath, reconnects you to the life force energy within you. Focus on inhaling and exhaling 10 or 20 breaths, do not force them, just focus on your natural breathing rhythm and watch how you mind starts to calm and how it gradually brings you back to the present.

Focus on current action – whatever it is you are doing, truly focus on every detail of it. If you are eating, eat slowly. Turn off anything that may distract you, like the television or your computer. Savour the flavours, the colours and the textures of your food.  If you are driving, truly focus your mind to the road ahead, notice your surroundings, the car in front of you, the pedestrians that you pass. Do not become frustrated at a red light, or the slower driver in front of you, because in that moment you are irritated, for you are trying to live in the future, hurrying to your destination ahead. So often we try to undertake so many different tasks at once, that our full attention is rarely truly focused on the present one.

Close your eyes and listen deeply – During my spiritual training, my tutor would often take me to the woods to meditate. I was told to sit, close my eyes and simply listen.  I was amazed, that when I truly focused my attention on the present task, I would suddenly be gifted with sounds I would ordinarily miss or just simply ignore.

Think of one thing you are grateful for now, in this current moment – You may be warm, you may be happy, you may feel loved, you may have just eaten and have a stomach full of delicious food, you may be wearing a new top you love, or a pair of your favourite shoes.  Embrace whatever physical or emotional feeling you have, that you are grateful for, and explore it. How do your favourite shoes feel on your feet? Are they sung, or so comfortable that you sometimes forget you have them on?  What do they look like? Touch them, feel them, truly experience them.

Be aware – The best way to remind yourself to be present is to be aware of when your mind begins to recall the past, or starts to over analyze a situation, or starts to wonder how a situation may turn out. The more mindful you become of staying the present, the more aware you are of when you are not.

The Founder of Beautifully Zen

Video

I have recently received a few emails about what it is I do as a therapist, so I thought I would share this short video about my day job from my website. It features some feedback from those I have been gifted to share my treatment room with and gives those of you who that have asked, a feel of what it is I actually do. I am based in the UK in London and Kent.

Namaste
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6 Tips On Dispelling a Negative Mind

Kim-Kardashian-Happy-Positive-Thinking-Day-Quotes-010-491x491We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves” – The Buddha

When I was a teenager, I was a real worrier. I’d often spend my Sunday evenings, working myself up into a complete frenzy about how certain situations at school would work out. My little brain would go into over drive, imagining things that hadn’t even happened. I’d convince myself I would fail the math exam coming up, or my drama presentation would be a complete flop and everyone would laugh at me. I look back now and realise that I was in fact a prisoner of my own negative thoughts. Many a Sunday evening would be clouded by my worries, and in turn cause me a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety. A little cloud of anxiousness, created by a fear within my own head.

As I grew older and under went my own spiritual training, I began to accept, that if I wanted to live a positive, happy and fulfilled life, I needed to learn to control my own negative thought patterns. For I believe, like the Buddha once taught, the energetic vibrations of our thoughts, attract experiences to us and therefore we become what we think.

Become truly aware of your thought patterns – There is nothing wrong with having negative thoughts, we are human, lets face it, it’s going to happen. But when it does, try to really acknowledge that thought and take time to explore it, replacing it with a positive action. For example, you are due to give a presentation at work, and you realise you are thinking that it is all going to go wrong. You are going to slip up, forget the words, not get your point across and the boss is going to hate it! As soon as you truly acknowledge that thought. Stop. Breathe and explore the that it is in fact totally pointless convincing yourself this is going to happen, as in truth, when you really look at the situation, you actually have no clue how it is going to turn out! You are simply falling into the pattern of your own negative thought process.  Explore the possibility that it could in fact go marvelously well, you may deliver a presentation that everyone finds interesting and enjoyable. Your points are seen as strong and encouraging, and your boss in fact loves it!  Don’t allow your negative thoughts to own you, acknowledge them, but don’t attach yourself to them. When you refuse to give them power, they will dispel on their own accord.

Every time a negative thought arises write down 3 things that are positive in your life – My own spiritual tutor gave me this task when I first started teachings with her. It was a gracious way of teaching me the art of being thankful. When completed properly, every day, it really is helpful in keeping your mind focused on all that is good in your life. The trick is to think of 3 different things every time.  It can be as simple as being grateful that your train was on time, you wake up and the sun is shining, you are able to enjoy a fresh sandwich and a cup of coffee at lunch time. Or you can explore more meaningful reasons why you are happy. You are grateful for your loving partner, your clean bill of health, your beautiful kids or the roof over your head.

The Power of Positive Mantras – During times of challenge or turmoil, I love to write mantra’s on little post it notes and I stick them around my house and office. A will say them in my mind every time I see one. For me, they act as a gentle reminder that I am in fact completely in charge of my thought process.  I use sayings such as “Everything is always as it should be, I grow with every challenging experience”, “Positive thought is positive action”,  “Challenges are what make life interesting, and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful”  You can obviously make up your own.

Be mindful of playing the victim – For some, life is a complicated journey of stresses, strains and constant challenges. For others, life is a wonderful adventure, full of exciting opportunities to grow, experience and develop. When we truly start to accept that our thoughts have a direct and powerful effect on the world around us and the experiences we face, challenges suddenly become a learning tool, rather than an opportunity to dwell in self-pity, sadness or worry.  When something challenging happens, truly step back and take the opportunity to explore that experience in a completely different light. Acknowledge how the situation is making you feel, and explore how those feelings are showing you or teaching you something. I truly believe, every experience is sent to teach us something, that in itself, helps me embrace both the good and the moments that take a little more insight to accept.

Create a positive vision board or personal journal – Positive thought needs to be backed up with positive action. During quiet times I like to write down in a journal what I want to achieve in my life or where I see myself in the next 12 months. This applies to personal goals, emotional well-being, career path and family life. For me, writing it down actually reinforces it my mind. I am putting out to the universe through my thoughts and actions, of where I want my life to be heading. In my office I have a vision board, on it I have pinned various photographs, magazine cuttings and sentences or words. Each give me inspiration every time I look at them, reminding me of the things that make me happy and keep me motivated. I change it every 6-12 months.

Embrace the silence – In the west in general, we find it exceptionally difficult to embrace silence. To simply be present in pure wholeness, with no noise, no distractions and no interruptions that are constantly demanding our attention. To just simply sit, and be comfortable with the healing light of ‘nothingness’, is actually one of the most positive actions you can honour yourself with, every day. Stillness forces us to be comfortable with ourselves in our truest form. It enables us to be present in the moment, with everything else stripped away, things that usually pull us in every direction. Stillness, invites you to truly discover yourself, including your thought patterns and subsequent emotions. If you find silence too overwhelming to begin with, you may find your mind chattering away too much (which is fine by the way), then try listening to a short 10 minute meditation for positive thought. There are many on Youtube, or various mindfulness websites. Try and do this at least twice a day, preferably in the morning and in the evening. Learning techniques that will help you to tap into your deeper nature and explore the reasons behind your thoughts, will help you to gradually view them in a more productive light.                     

If you have enjoyed this post you may also enjoy ’11 things to give up to step closer to happiness’.