As human beings everything we do, say and feel is driven by love or by fear. Every single day our actions and reactions are impacted by these two powerful emotions, and more often than not we aren’t even aware of it.
Acting out of fear will in fact cause us further frustration, upset and unhappiness. But when we consciously choose to come from a place of love, no matter the challenge we are facing, life flows more freely.
How often do we over think things and start to imagine certain negative outcomes to situations we are currently experiencing? We tend to live our lives so much in the future, in a world of what ifs, rather than choosing to remain in the present. We over analyse people’s actions, words and opinions, and often take things too personally in the process. When this happens we are sitting in the space of our fears.
When I was in my early twenties I briefly dated a guy who seemed incredibly charming, charismatic, open and warm. He made me laugh and I enjoyed the time that we spent together. We would message one-another regularly and enjoyed several dates. He was very open with his feelings about me, speaking about our future together and everything seemed to be going so well. Then one day, out of the blue he just stopped contacting me. No explanation, no reasoning, just no more contact. If I messaged him, his replies were brief, almost cold and there was always some reason or another as to why he couldn’t meet up. The whole experience left me feeling incredibly confused, unhappy and in truth quite hurt. Because of this unconsciously and without wanting to, I stepped in to a place of fear. I started feeling unworthy of his attention and affection, and my mind would run away with me regarding all the reasons why he had obviously made a choice to simply avoid me. Maybe I wasn’t pretty enough, or funny enough? Or maybe he had met someone who he found intellectually more stimulating, or attractive? Wrongly, I wholeheartedly viewed his actions as a direct reflection of me as a person, when in fact his actions were a direct reflection of him.
A few days after the last message I sent, one that he simply ignored, I began to acknowledge that I was allowing the whole situation to have a significant negative impact on my thoughts and also my life. I wasn’t sleeping well and I was emotionally exhausted. So one morning, after my yoga practice I chose to consciously step into a place of complete acceptance and peace. I invited myself to bring all of my mindfulness practice into play and began to view the whole experience with a more open heart. As soon as I did this, I allowed myself to look at the situation with a greater sense of softness and deeper understanding. Over time the shift in my thought processes slowly enabled my feelings to change. I transitioned from a place of fear into a place of love. Rather than judging my friend for acting in a way that I had initially viewed as insensitive and unkind, I began to accept that he was probably just acting in the only manner he felt he was able to at that time. For whatever reason he wasn’t comfortable enough to just be open and honest with the whole situation, and he certainly wasn’t able to be honest with me. Initially I had judged him for not acting in a way that I would have done had I been in his shoes. I hoped that had I been in the same situation myself, I would have been honest enough to explain why I no longer wanted to see my friend. I would have considered their feelings as well as my own, and explained my reasons in the kindest and gentlest way possible. But when we begin to judge peoples actions on the way we conduct our own lives, we are in fact acting out of ego and not from a deeper sense of compassion. I chose to instead to think that maybe he hadn’t even considered how his actions could have been impacting my self-esteem or sense of happiness, or if he had, then he just didn’t know how to approach the situation with me, and that was fine. Due to his own sense of fear, a fear of my reaction or non-acceptance of his feelings it was easier for him just to blank me and hide away. And in doing so he was actually protecting himself from having to face any kind of awkward conversation, one that would no doubt be very uncomfortable for him.
On reflection I realised that if I looked at everything from a higher perspective, all of this was in fact o.k. Not all of us are always able to tackle our life experiences with a sense of courage, gentleness and compassion, and not everyone is comfortable with speaking from a place of truth. I acknowledged, that deep down all I really wanted was for my friend to be happy and if that meant he would be happier without me, that was how it needed to be. The end result was still the same, and that was all that mattered to me. That night I meditated on the whole situation and I sent my friend the deepest sense of love that I possibly could muster up. Within my heart I wished for his onward path to be bright and blessed, and hoped that one day he would find the one who would make his soul shine. And then, with a deep sense of relief, I simply let it all go.
Each and every one of us approach both life and it’s challenges differently, that doesn’t make any one of us better than another, it’s simply means we either view our experiences from place of love or a place of fear.
When you can choose love, life becomes a little easier, a little happier and so much fuller. Love will always send you back into the truest essence of yourself, you become more understanding, more compassionate and in truth, you become more you.