10 Tips on Healing – A Holistic Healers Approach

healing 1“The pain you feel today, is the strength you feel tomorrow” – unknown 

Healing is a very personal process,  acknowledging that we are wholeheartedly in control of our own individual healing journey can be a frightening and difficult concept to grasp, especially if we have undergone something quite traumatic and sad. In time however, If we are able to do this, we are often in a better position to regain a little control and understanding of this deep process.   Healing starts from our thoughts, actions and how we honour our own needs during times of pain.

As a qualified healer and spa owner, I welcome people onto my treatment couch daily, many of whom are amidst their own personal turmoil and walking tenderly on their own healing journey.  Every time, without fail, I want to make things better for them. But one of the most important lesson I learned early on in my career, is that, as a healer you have to accept and honour the fact that you cannot control someone’s own healing process, you cannot heal them, they have to walk the healing path themselves. Each individual will heal when they are good and ready to, and when they have learned what ever it is they needed to through the whole experience they have faced. All you can do is support them during the time they are in your treatment room. Providing them with a safe and secure space to relax, breathe and maybe let go a little.

I like any other person, I have undergone periods of deep healing. I have been the victim of  domestic violence in a dark controlled relationship, lost loved ones to terminal illnesses and had moments in my life, where I have truly struggled to regain just some element of normality.  When I look back I realise I needed to experience such deep, uncontrollable pain, to enable me to empathise with others, in my new healing role. I believe a healer that has walked a deeply healing path themselves, is one that can share elements of wisdom that they have gained from their own healing process.

Do not force the healing process, healing takes time – Healing is a deeply personal experience, every person and every event is different. Do not rush your healing journey, it doesn’t matter if it takes weeks, months or years. Only you will know when you have truly healed, and only you can decide when this happens.   When we are consumed with fear and worry, we tend to run scenarios in our heads of how life is going to turn out. This actually just increases our fear and worry. Try and take each hour and day as it comes, live fully in the present moment, not the past or the future. When we successfully manage to get through that hour, and then that day, slowly little by little, we can start to release some of the pressure and control that we are unwillingly placing on ourselves. Healing takes time, honour that process wholeheartedly by taking baby steps every day.

Embrace the pain, do not fight it – to really work through something we need to feel it fully. Breaking down into a sobbing bundle of tears, is sometimes what we need to do to work through our feelings of sadness and grief. I remember when I lost a dear loved one three years ago, I literally walked around in a blur of sadness and tears for weeks afterwards. I honestly felt completely numb, like a part of me had actually died with that person. I couldn’t function properly at’ll, it was as if I was on auto pilot, and I didn’t care about anything in this world apart from this huge hole that was suddenly in my heart. People told me that in time it would get better, but I didn’t want to hear that, I didn’t think they could possibly know how I was feeling. Of course in time it did get better, but I needed to fully feel the pain I was experiencing for myself, I needed to allow every inch of my mind and body to wallow deep within it’s sadness, to finally enable me to work through it, slowly one day at a time.

Bathe in or diffuse essential oils in your home – as a holistic healer, I have had the pleasure of witnessing over the past 15 years, the incredible power that essential oils can play during someone’s healing process. Many scientific studies have now proven that essential oils can actually make both emotional and biological changes to the human body.  Essential oils can effect brain chemicals, which in turn can promote feelings of peace and relaxation.    I have actually recently devised a skincare range (which is launching later this year), that has been 100% inspired by my clients, people I have had the pleasure of supporting through their own healing process.  My favourite oils to use to enhance relaxation and promote feelings of calm are Vetiver, lavender, geranium, jasmine, orange, benzoin and bergamot. (Please always check you are able to use any of these oils topically prior to use).  You can purchase many pre blended bath oils too, I love Aromatherapy Associates range.

Quieten the mind to allow the body to start to heal – Meditation is a hugely powerful tool when it comes to supporting your own healing process. When our mind is a whirlwind of turmoil and sadness, we are constantly preventing our physical body from slipping into repair and renewal mode. Try and allow yourself just 10 mins of ‘quite time’ every morning and evening. Many studies have shown that meditation actually helps treat depression and anxiety, as well as boosting your immune system.

Get out amongst nature, particularly trees! – Nature cleanses our aura and helps to balance our own harmonic energy field . Taking ourselves outside amongst trees, grass, foliage and nature provides us with a sense of oneness and can instantly promote feelings of calm and healing.  I live right near Greenwich Park, and despite my busy schedule I always try to make sure I have periods of time in the park throughout my week. I personally find it refreshing, calming and it really does give me a sense of reconnection during times of uncertainty.

Affirmations and positive thought – Some of my clients have found the use of affirmations particularly helpful during times of stress.  When I first bought my spa, and we thought we were about to lose everything due to the economic turn-down, including the business and our home,I had a little sign that I put in my office that read “My income is constantly increasing”. Despite how bad it got (sleepless nights on a friends floor as I couldn’t afford the petrol costs to get me home), every time I read that sign it gave me a point of focus and hope.  It drew my sometimes negative mind, back to something positive and gave me a sense of direction.  I also found this scroll written by the Dalai Lama in a shop during the same period it my life (see picture below), it still hangs in my office to this day. A constant reminder that life can be a struggle, but we should never give up.   Occasionally turning our mind to a positive thought, even for just a moment, can help give us a little hope and clarity on our onward journey.

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Tap into the healing power of music – This is something that purely works for me, so I wished to share it in case it works for someone else.  I find music deeply healing.  Sometimes, when I am overcome with grief, doubt or sadness I will listen to some classical, or deeply moving music. I become completely engulfed in everything about it, every note and every chord.  I am still, I am quiet and I just simply listen, allowing the thoughts to come and go in perfect synergy with the piece I am at one with.  It maybe that upbeat music works for you in this way, give it a go and see if you experience any emotional connection or benefit.

Go and book a massage – Massage is clinically proven to reduce the stress hormone cortisol, and increase the mood enhancing hormone serotonin, it also lowers blood pressure and induces a deep sense of relaxation. Many massage therapists are also natural healers, much like some nurses. In my experience, the aura’s of massage therapists are often various shades of blue and turquoise, a healing shade. If you have never had a massage before, ask around for a good, reputable therapist and go and get a treatment booked. Massage is a fantastic way to treat depression and anxiety, and many of my clients over the years have found it exceptionally beneficial to experience a treatment during times of stress.   When cortisol levels are lowered in our bodies, we are able to repair and renew more effectively.

Tap into the healing energy of crystals – As a holistic healer, I am open to the healing benefits of many things, yoga, therapies, food, meditation and also crystals, to name just a few.  It is my belief that everything is energy, and therefore crystals have their own harmonic frequency, just as we do. Many crystals vibrate with a healing energy. There are some fantastic online crystal stores out there, or you can go and visit a qualified crystal healer.  It’s believed when certain crystals are placed on various corresponding points of the body or Chakras, (the energy centres of the body), they in turn can promote a deep sense of healing and overall balance.  This is now a widely accepted therapy found in many high street and larger corporate spas around the world.

Be safe in the knowledge you grow from every negative experience – In my twenties I used to often take the ‘why me’ approach to the challenges of life. Further along my own spiritual journey, now in my late thirties, I no longer have that out look on life. Life is simply that, life. From the day we are born, we aren’t given any guarantees that we won’t ever experience pain, loss or unhappiness. In fact, lets be honest,  it is more of a guarantee that you will experience all of these things at some point on this earth. We all do, every single one of us.  Now instead, with every challenge or period of sadness sent my way, I have been taught by my own spiritual tutor, to go inward, to explore those feelings deeply and thoroughly, and live in the knowledge that in time, through the tears, frustration and unhappiness, I will gain a new wisdom and an inner strength, that maybe in time, will possibly help someone else along their own healing path.

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself – Wayne Dyer

Lets face it, judging others is a natural human trait.   I try my hardest not to make assumptions about others, I really do,  but sometimes despite my best efforts I will find myself exploring feelings of negativity towards someone else or even making judgements about them.  On the flip side, I sometimes find myself on the receiving end of such perceptions and thoughts.

One thing I strongly believe is this,  every person we encounter in our lives, be it for a short or long period of time, has actually been sent our way to teach us something.   Even if we find this person challenging or so far away from how we view ourselves, they potentially may have arrived to teach us something valuable. One of the worlds most renowned Buddhist teachers Pema Chodron once said   “If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.”   

Just the other morning,  I was walking to work as the beautiful dawn breaking sun shone down brightly.  A young lady who works near to me just happened to pass by me,  I don’t know her personally but I have seen her on many occasions.  As our paths crossed I welcomed her with a huge beaming ‘good morning smile.’   For whatever reason, my beaming smile wasn’t returned,  in fact, in it’s place was an unwelcoming glare,  a glare of such magnitude, you would have thought I had just committed a inexplicable crime.  Initially I felt saddened that someone would feel the need to openly display such distaste to a stranger.  As she strutted off up the road, it was if her act of unkindness had in fact empowered her.  Wondering what I had done to cause her to react this way, I continued on my walk to work.  As my footsteps padded along, I started to consciously make the effort not to judge.  This lady may have just been having a bad day?  She may have just received some bad news?  Or she may be doing exactly what I was trying  so hard not to do, maybe she was being judgmental about another human being.

I think there are many reason why people judge others.

We don’t like the way others act, or disapprove of their manner and traits, believing we would never behave in that way.

Sometimes exploring  why others behavior can irritate or annoy us, can actually be a true reflection of the aspects we actually dislike about ourselves (although we may find it challenging to admit it).   Jack is a quiet, shy man, and dislikes Bill because he is loud and constantly seeks attention, everyone looks up when Bill walks into a room.  If Jack took a long and honest look within his soul, he may in fact discover, that due to his shyness he sometimes finds it awkward or difficult to express himself in certain social situations. Actually, if Jack was truthful to himself, he may in fact find that during such times he would probably welcome having a little bit of Jacks confidence.   None of us are perfect, and our different qualities and faults are actually what makes us unique.

Jealousy and resentment

Jealously stems from our own insecurities of how we see ourselves and how we think others see us.  We are envious of what others have.  In my twenties I lived in the typical western rat race of working ridiculously hard,  desperately trying to obtain as many materialistic possessions as I could.  I wanted to show my parents, my friends and the world just how successful I was. If I got a nice expensive dress, it would show I must be successful.  If I got a beautiful new car, that would mean I was successful.  If I got a huge house, everyone would know I was successful.  I also spent hours in the gym, pounding the treadmill day after day, determined to get that perfect female body, the type of physique we see so often on television and in the women’s glossy’s.    In my twenties, I just didn’t get it.  This constant, relentless striving simply left me feeling incomplete.  ‘If I just get that new pair of shoes, the one’s like Carole’s, I know I will feel happier’.  I would strive to get the shoes, and admittedly when I initially skipped out of the shop with them under my arm I would feel happier – that was until I started focusing on the next thing to make me happy again.  

In my thirties that all changed, my priorities shifted and suddenly I understood.  When we constantly compare ourselves to others, craving what they have or how they look, we are constantly searching for happiness outside of ourselves, instead of from within.   There is nothing wrong with having any of these things, in fact being financially successful means you are potentially in a position to help a lot of people, if you chose to invest your money wisely, but don’t kid yourself that focusing so much on attachment brings you true  peace within your soul.  It’s all about balance, don’t become so attached to your attachments that you in fact begin to judge your worth or status on this planet through them.  Or if you begin to question your ability to be happy without them, it’s time to stop and reflect at what’s truly important to you in your life.

This also applies to others wealth or abundance.  If someone you know has just purchased a lovely new car, even though you are still running around in your beat up old Ford, be happy for them.  If you feel someone is more successful than you because they earn £5k more a year, be happy for them.   Resentment and jealously just eats up inside of you, it will affect you more than it affects the person your jealousy is aimed towards.   Controlling these emotions, will also help control your own level of happiness.

We loose sight of our journey being simply that – Our journey.

We have to remember is this, our choices and decisions in life are part of our own personal path or journey.  If we disagree with a decision made by another, or how they have behaved, that is fine, we are obviously entitled to that opinion.  However we should always be mindful that we aren’t that person.  We may not share their view, or may not think we would behave in a particular manner, but before we become frustrated, irritated or annoyed and maybe even begin to judge that person,  we should take time step back from the situation and remind ourselves that we are walking our path and others are walking theirs.  Our path’s are different, sometimes they will run parallel and sometimes they will meet a cross roads, it’s just simply part of the whole glorious journey of life.